So, I finally let go......and the 2 days I spent in Nashville were some of the most restful and relaxing days I've had in a long time. My lovely and incredibly generous friend Alex, extended her home and
sacrificed her bedroom so I could get some
uninterrupted quality rest before embarking on the rest of my journey! Alex and I just so happen to share an affinity for white fluffy bedding which I thoroughly enjoyed on the top floor of her 3 story townhouse. I slept in til 11am and rose to beams of sunlight shining through every window and felt like a princess waking up in the top of a castle! (Stark contrast to mornings in NYC where I have to press my face against my bedroom window to see if the sky is blue or grey!) The bedroom even had a little alcove which was just the right size for my
pilates and stretching routine. The rest of the days in
Nashyville were spent doing some of my favorite things, listening to live music, sushi, a trip to Target,
bochi ball in the park, great conversation over Maggie Moos and late night silly girl time at the Waffle House!
I find when I allow myself to breath deeply enough, fully enough and consistently enough...there is room....room to feel deeply, listen to what God is saying and to see Him more clearly in my surroundings and circumstances! After 2 days of deep breathing in Nashville the light finally went on, the last time I drove cross country I was with my best friend Shannon, we had just graduated from
UCONN and were on a trip of a lifetime-6 weeks, covering as much of this great country as possible in my grandfather's van-with
pb&j, rice crispy treats, an am/
fm radio(which didn't get reception in many places which left us to our own musical abilities-yikes), the go-girls guide to the open road and just enough money to get by. It was the most eclectic and incredible trip! Little did I know just how precious that concentrated time with Shannon would be. Just 6 short years later she passed away after a long courageous battle with cancer.
Losing my best friend at such a young age in the midst of many other personal traumas was more than I could absorb at the time. Even though I've told so many of my
patients families that grief is a process, now I'm really getting what that means. Sometimes it's gut wrenching and painful, sometimes it's sweet nostalgic strolls down memory lane, and some times it's just pure enlightenment and this trip across the country turned out to be all of the above.
Shannon was so many things to me, a sister, a best friend, someone who reminded me of who I was when I forgot, someone who kicked me in the pants when I needed it, my favorite partner in crime-somehow we managed to get ourselves out of trouble just as easily as we got into it(thank goodness), and a wellspring of genius, inspiration and fun!
From Nashville onward I decided to retrace the steps our post-college
roadtrip. Stopping at Graceland, judging the quality of a rest stop by the flavors of
Laffy Taffy they had to choose from(sadly I'm not as good at knowing the punchline to the corny jokes on the wrappers as elementary school teacher Shannon was), a
pit stop in Hope, Arkansas the birth place of former president Bill Clinton to see if the families there still kept their washer/dryers on their front porches(a very new and foreign concept to 21 year old Shannon and I), I sang at the top of my lungs to the Backstreet Boys and Garth Brooks across the plains of Texas, visited the best
snow cone shack in the country, Bahama Bucks in Lubbock, TX(which is no longer a shack but a big pink building with free
Wi-
Fi and about 50 additional flavors), and made up
faux identities and stories when approached by nosey strangers at restaurants along the way(a favorite
past time of ours-
tehe!!).
Through all of this, I felt Shannon's presence more strongly than I had in years, wondering what she thought about all of this, and I felt her smiling down on me.
Suddenly God made it very apparent to me that not only was
Shannon with me in spirit but it was no coincidence that I could see things I miss so much about Shannon in my friends along the way. The
camaraderie and sisterhood with Alex; the light, lovely and enlightened spirit of Jennifer
Worrall in Dallas; the easy unconditionally caring bond of someone who knows you almost as well as you know yourself, with Luke in Fort Worth; and the old familiar friend who you can pick up with right were you left off -
Lorissa Moffett-who was a long time twirling competitor of mine and dear friend. Shannon became quite the twirling connoisseurs during our days at
UCONN, we used to pretend she was my coach so she could come down on the court at the
UCONN b-ball halftime shows :)
1 week later I arrived in Phoenix feeling more free and alive than I've felt in years. I realized that sometimes you just need to let yourself go to the bottom of the pool no matter how deep or scary it may seem so you can push off and get back up above the surface, take a deep breath and get out of the pool.
Hangin' out 4 feet below the surface, stuck treading water, is no way to live.
No one will ever replace Shannon but I feel so blessed that God has placed so many Angelic friends in my path to remind me that I'm never alone on this journey of life!
